Humor Files - write

		HOW TO WRITE GOOD
		=================

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbrev., etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contradictions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emereson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13.Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's superfluous.
14. Never fucking use profanity!
15. Be more or less specific.
16. Understatement is always best.
17. Exaggerations is a billion times worse than understatement. 
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate!
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Go around the barn at noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23. Who needs rhetorical questions?
24. Don't abbrev.
25. Check to see if you any words out.
26. Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct.
27. About sentence fragments.
28. When dangling, don't use participles.
29. Don't use no double negatives.
30. Each pronoun agree with their antecedent.
31. Just between you and I, case is important.
32. Join clauses good like a conjunction should.
33. Don't use commas, that aren't necessary.
34. Its important to use apostrophe's right.
35. Never leave a transitive verb lay there without an object.
36. Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized. also a sentence should begin with a capital and end with a period
37. Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase.
38. In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas 
to keep a string of items apart.
39. Watch out for irregular verbs which have creeped into your language.
40. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
41. A writer mustn't shift your point of view.
42. Don't write a run-on sentence you've got to punctuate it.