Humor Files - hurricane

                    The Retarded Engineer
                    =====================

**   There was this male engineer, on a cruise ship in the
**   Caribbean for the first time. It was wonderful, the
**   experience of his life. He was being waited on hand an
**   foot. But, it did not last. A Hurricane came up
**   unexpectedly. The ship went down almost instantly.
**
**   The man found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the
**   shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be
**   seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked
**   around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was
**   it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the
**   best of it. So for the next four months he ate bananas,
**   drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea mightily
**   for a ship to come to his rescue.
**
**   One day, as he was lying on the beech stroking his beard and
**   looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of
**   his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No, from around
**   the corner of the island came this rowboat. In it was the
**   most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, or at least seen in 4
**   months. She was tall, tanned, and her blond hair flowing in
**   the sea breeze gave her an almost ethereal quality. She
**   spotted him also as he was waving and yelling and screaming
**   to get her attention. She rowed her boat towards him.
**
**   In disbelief, he asked, "Where did you come from? How did
**   you get here"?
**
**   She said, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I
**   landed on this island when my cruise ship sank" "Amazing",
**   he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many
**   of you are there? Where, did you get the rowboat? You must
**   have been really lucky to have a rowboat wash-up with you?"
**
**   "It is only me", she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up,
**   nothing else did."
**
**   "Well then", said the man, "how did you get the rowboat?" I
**   made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the
**   island, replied the woman. The oars were whittled from Gum
**   tree branches, I wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the
**   sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree".
**
**   "But, but, asked the man, what about tools and hardware, how
**   did you do that?"
**
**   "Oh, no problem, replied the woman, on the south side of the
**   island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock
**   exposed.
**
**   I found that If I fired it to a certain temperature in my
**   kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for
**   tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But, enough
**   of that, she said. Where do you live?"
**
**   At last the man was forced to confess that he had been
**   sleeping on the beach. "Well, let's row over to my place,
**   she said." So they both got into the rowboat and left for
**   her side of the island.
**
**   The woman easily rowed them around to a wharf that led to
**   the approach to her place. She tied up the rowboat with a
**   beautifully woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone walk and
**   around a Palm tree, there stood an exquisite bungalow
**   painted in blue and white.
**
**   "It's not much, she said, but I call it home. Sit down
**   please, would you like to have a drink?" "No, said the man,
**   one more coconut juice and I will puke."
**
**   "It won't be coconut juice, the woman replied, I have a
**   still, how about a Pina Colada? Trying to hide his continued
**   amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch
**   to talk.
**
**   After a while, and they had exchanged their stories, the
**   woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?" "No",
**   the man replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life, and
**   even on the cruise ship". "Well if you would like to shave,
**   there is a man's razor upstairs in the cabinet in the
**   bathroom." So, the man, no longer questioning anything, went
**   upstairs to the bath room. There in the cabinet was a razor
**   made from a bone handle, two shells honed to a hollow ground
**   edge were fastened on to its end inside of a swivel
**   mechanism. The man shaved, showered and went back down
**   stairs.
**
**   "You look great, said the woman, I think I will go up and
**   slip into something more comfortable." So she did.
**
**   And, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short
**   time, the woman returned wearing fig leafs strategically
**   positioned and smelling faintly of gardenia.
**
**   "Tell me, she asked, we have both been out here for a very
**   long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have
**   you been lonely, is there anything that you really miss?
**   Something that all men and women need. Something that it
**   would be really nice to have right now."
**
**   "Yes there is, the man replied, as he moved closer to the
**   woman while fixing a winsome gaze upon her, "Tell me ......... Do
**   you happen to have an Internet connection?"