Humor Files - girlfriend

     My Experience with the Upgrade Version of Girlfriend 2.0
     
     I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been 
     having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of 
     DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the 
     GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it. I hear 
     that DrinkingBuddieswon't crash if GirlFriend runs an emulation 
     program and the sound is turnedoff. Unfortunately, the DrinkingBuddies 
     emulation for GirlFriend never seems to work, and I'm embarrassed to 
     say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them 
     separately, and it works okay.
     
     I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I 
     might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. But after months of 
     conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had 
     experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough 
     cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token 
     Ring to run He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it 
     uninstalled itself.
     
     Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were 
     supposed to be gone, but the first time I booted up it gave me a virus 
     anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for awhile. I 
     very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI 
     probe first and also installed a virus protection program.
     
     It worked  okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was 
     still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 with GirlFriend 4.0 
     still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about 
     that automatically senses the presence of any other version of 
     GirlFriend and uninstalls itself then shuts the system down.
     
     The version I have  now works pretty well, but there are still some 
     problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some 
     obscure language  I can't understand, much less reprogram. Also, to 
     get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use 
     gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally 
     "object-oriented."
     
     A year ago, a  friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to 
     GirlFriendPlus  1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of 
     GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a 
     year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but soon after 
     that,he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge 
     resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything 
     else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was 
     because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus. Well, it turns out the 
     resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to 
     FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of 
     that, Wife 1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he 
     did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw which has an 
     automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.
     
     I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you 
     try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will 
     delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 
     1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.
     
     I hear the next big thing is thin clients which are reminiscent of the 
     old dumb terminals. They are supposed to offer better output, they're
     less expensive, and best of all, you use them with your TV.