Humor Files - consumer

Silly quotes from actual consumer product packages
and instructions, as well as from newspapers:

 On a bag of JONNY CAT cat litter -- "JONNY CAT is the best value for your
money.  A 20-pound bag of JONNY CAT contains 25% more litter than 16-pound
bags and 43% more than 14-pound bags!"

 From a kid's Superman costume for Halloween (stitched into the cape's
tag) -- "Warning: Use of This Device Does Not Enable Wearer To Fly."

 From a Pop-Tart box -- "Warning: Pastry Filling May Be Hot When Heated."

 From a newspaper article -- "A congressionally funded study has
determined that many smokers are ignoring the warning labels on cigarette
packages"

 From a hair blow-dryer instruction sheet -- "Warning: Do Not Use While
Sleeping."

 On the package for Top Cog fan belts (for automobiles) -- "Do not change
the belt while the engine is running."

 From a Boston Globe piece, during a 1973 summer heat wave describing ways
to beat the heat -- "No. 1: Stay out of the direct rays of the sun."

 Found on the inside of a pull top lid of a liquid radiator sealant
--"Caution: DO NOT LICK LID."

 Written on the back of one of those things you put in your car windshield
on sunny days when you park to keep your dash from melting -- "DO NOT
OPERATE VEHICLE WITH SCREEN IN PLACE."

 From the Indigo PC Owners Manual pp.6-9 -- "Hardware Dos and Don'ts: Do
not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw mouse at co-workers."

 On a box of those cloth roller towels in a restroom -- "Warning: Improper
use may cause serious injury or death."