Humor Files - church

 ACTUAL ANNOUNCEMENTS TAKEN FROM CHURCH BULLETINS

	1.  Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
	
	2.  Thursday night - Potluck supper.  Prayer and medication to follow.

	3.  Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
	community.

	4.  For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
	nursery downstairs.

	5.  The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of
	David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

	6.  This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends
	of the church.  Children will be baptized at both ends.

	7.  Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social.  All ladies
	giving milk will please come early.

	8.  Wednesday,  the ladies Liturgy Society will meet.  Mrs. Jones will
	sing,  "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

	9.  Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
	Club.  All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister 
	in his study.

	10.  This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come foreward
	and lay an egg on the alter.

	11.  The service will close with "Little Drops of Water."  One of the
	ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

	12.  Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost
	of the new carpet.  All those wishing to do something on the new 
	carpet will come foreward and do so.

	13.  The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and
	they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

	14.  A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
	Music will follow.

	15.  At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
	Hell?"  Come early and listen to our choir practice.